Where in the World is Chuck Bass?
by bowtiesandpeonies
Summary: Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. What happens when those two names suddenly become one?   "Why did you leave me?"  "I didn't."  "But you're not here."  "I am."  "Are you going to give me a real answer?"  "Probably not."  "I miss you, Chuck."
1. Bad News Blair

It was like her world was set in fast forward and slow motion at the same time. She heard things but never got the true meaning of them. Lights flashed as photographers took her picture, she saw them, she was there, but her mind was far far away. Serena held her there and Blair was thankful, if Serena's firm grip wasn't around her waist right now she probably would have collapsed. Tears streaked down her face and Serena quickly wiped them away for her. Questions were being yelled at her as she tried to fight her way through the crowd from the limo to her building. Her life was over. There was no point living anymore. Just before she entered the safe sanctuary of her home she heard one last question; "What were the last things he said to you Miss Waldorf?" she turned quickly into Serena's chest, she couldn't keep it in any more, screams echoed from her and Blair's whole life came crashing down. "He's gone, he' gone" she mumbled in between screams,Serena pulled her into her arms and took her inside before anyone could take anymore photos.

* * *

"Two weeks is too long Chuck," Blair muttered. "What am I going to do without you?"

Chuck reached out and stroked Blair's cheek, "It's not that long, i'll be back before you have time to miss me."

She hugged him tightly and was ready to refuse to let go, he hugged her back and laughed, "come on Blair, you're being silly."

"Fine, go, have fun." She forced a smile.

"Blair..." He glared at her.

"No seriously, it's fine, ill just have fun here, by myself -bored, by myself."

"Go spend time with Serena, I know you've been missing her."

"I can't have sex with Serena." She stared at Chuck with a cruel smirk.

"I won't count it as cheating if you do." Chuck smirked back.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Yeah right, nice try."

He reached down and kissed her softly on her lips, Blair pulled him to her to try and make the kiss more intense, hoping that he would be reluctant to leave her. He didn't protest. They dropped to the bed and Blair fumbled for his belt. "Blair, no." He drew his lips away from hers. "I really have to go, I can't miss the plane."

Blair sighed angrily, "you have a private jet Chuck, you won't miss it."

"This is a serious business deal Blair, and I can't be late for that," Blair got off Chuck then, upset. "I love you Blair."

A smile played around her lips as she tried to not say it back. "I love you too." She was a sucker.

He gave her one last sweet kiss before he left the suite, the banging of the door echoed through the suddenly silent apartment.

_One Week later_

Blair stared down at her phone for what felt like the millionth time, usually Chuck replies straight away but she hadn't gotten a reply in 1 hour. Probably just in a business meeting, she tried to brush the thought away.

"B, come on, you've been looking at that phone for an hour now," Serena said. "I thought we were spending time together, not with your phone."

"Sorry S," Blair replied putting the phone aside, swearing to herself she wouldn't check it again until she actually heard it buzz. "Just it's not like Chuck to not reply straight away."

She stole a quick glance to the phone, still no change.

"Blair!" Serena practically shouted.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" She stashed the phone away into her bag and hooked her arm around Serena's, pulling her off the park bench. "Come, lets go shopping!"

They talked and laughed all day, coming out of every shop carrying 10 bags each, dropping them off in Serena's limo each time. Finally they reached the lingerie store. Serena busied her self in the raunchy section while Blair searched through the classy but sexy section, looking for the right out fit to surprise chuck with. It had been 4 hours since they left the park and the phone in her bag felt like a brick, she was well aware that it was there and even more aware that nothing had been received in the last 5 hours, since she last texted Chuck. Worrying thoughts clouded her mind but she tried to push them aside, thinking of Chuck's expression when he saw her in the little number she had just tried on. She smiled to herself as she took the outfit off, she couldn't wait to see him again.

She paid for her items and went outside to wait for Serena, finally giving in to her nerve she checked her phone. It didn't surprise her that he hadn't text back yet but she still was saddened, cruel thoughts popped in her head as she began to think what had happened to him, but quickly shaking them off, sure she was just over re-acting.

Just as she was about to put her phone back into her bag it buzzed and Blair smiled in relief, she knew he would text back eventually. She looked back at the phone to see a Gossip Girl blast and read it quickly.

_Good afternoon UES's, although when your done with this blast it won't be so happy after all. Sources tell me that a body was found in a suite this morning in California, suspected to be an OD...B didn't C tell you he was off the juice? R.I.P Charles Bass, Blair, we're thinking of you._

_xoxo Gossip Girl._

The phone dropped out of Blair's shaking hands, tears filled her eyes and she ran back into the store to find Serena. She was looking at her phone when Blair burst into the store tears in her eyes, Serena dropped everything and opened her arms for Blair to fall into.

"shhh, Blair," She cooed. "I'm sure she's wrong, it wouldn't be the first time."

Blair shook her head and continued to cry as Serena took her out of the shop into the limo where she ordered the driver to take them to the pent house. From that moment on she knew that their whole lives had been changed forever.

* * *

Blair hadn't moved since she landed on her bed at 3 o'clock in the after noon, it was now midnight and she has refused anything to eat. Serena was fast asleep next to her, that hadn't spoken a word to each other all afternoon but she still insisted on staying the night. Blair was shaking and the tears kept rolling, every now and then she would think of a time she had spent with Chuck and she would burst out crying even louder. A news report had confirmed that Charles Bartholomew Bass had passed away earlier that day at 9 am, due to an over dose. Drug: Unknown. Blair had thought that the details were a bit sketchy and didn't add up, the reporter didn't know a lot of things about the death and Chuck did swear to her that he was done with drugs. And he wouldn't lie to her, would he?

Blair shuddered when she realised that yes, he would lie to her, it would be unlike him to not to lie, even to her. She couldn't sleep and she found herself yearning for a drink, not her usual champaign but for Scotch. Something strong, something to numb the pain. She got out of the bed slowly, her eyes were salty and her mouth was dry, she was still dressed from the clothes she had worn earlier that day. She made her way out of the pent house, slowly and quietly until she was finally on the street. Blair hailed a taxi and clambered into to it.

"Where to ma'am?"

"The Empire Hotel." She replied in a whisper, surprised that the driver even heard her.

When the taxi arrived at The Empire Blair threw her money at the driver, leaving a more then generous tip, and hurried inside to Chuck's Suite.

The apartment was eerie, too quiet and Blair regretted coming here straight away, so many memories came flooding back to her like a slap in the face.

"_I was a coward running away again."_

She made her way over to his liquor cabinet."

"_But everywhere I went, you caught up with me."_

Blair reached up and found Chuck's scotch.

"_So I had to come back."_

She unscrewed the lid quickly.

"_You can believe me this time."_

She poured a glass to the rim.

"_I love you too."_

The sweet warmth of the scotch filled her up as she downed it quickly and reached for the bottle again, dumping the glass in the kitchen and taking the bottle into Chuck's room with her.


	2. Unwanted Visitors

Unwanted Visitors.

_Good morning UES's, this is a shout out to B from S, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! Looks like Blair is missing, look out for her, who knows what she will get up to with a broken heart. B, don't do anything I wouldn't do._

_xoxo Gossip Girl._

Blair had to read through the blast ten times before she understood each word, her head was buzzing and the silence in the suite was too loud. She sat up in her bed and looked around the room, an assortment of scotch bottles were scattered around the room as well as the one laying next to her. She was wearing a purple shirt of Chuck's and his scarf that he hadn't worn since senior year. Blair pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged herself, she was half hoping that everything was just a nightmare and that when she woke up he would be sleeping right next to her, but to her dismay it wasn't a dream, and he wasn't there. And never will be again.

She reached down to the scotch bottle and took a sip, and another, and another until the rest of the bottle was finished, it worked to numb the pain and even dull down the hangover. Chuck always believed that the cause was the best cure. She started giggling to herself, for a reason she did not know. The radio turned on by itself and Blair got a shock, until she worked out that it was just Chuck's alarm, she started to giggle again. Blair reached over to turn it off just as a song started playing, she left it and started singing along to the memorable song.

"Well Ana you're late And Maya, i'm here. The boys in the band, Decide to appear. We walk through the door, Savour the air. The girls on the floor, I've come here to stare. We've come here to stare."

_Blair looked up to the dancing girls on stage, admiring their free spirits, no frustrations, no hang ups. She wanted this badly. "You know I have moves." _

"_Really? Then why don't you get up there?" Chuck looked at Blair with a smile curling around his lips, how he wished she would let loose for just once._

"_I'm just saying, I've got moves." There was no way she was getting up on that whore stage._

"_Come on, you're ten times hotter then any of those girls."_

"_I know what you're doing Bass." Blair was use to his games around other girls, and never thought he'd actually try it on her. Chuck Just looked at her, waiting."You really don't think I'll go up there."_

"_I know you won't." He was sure she would try and prove him wrong, he knew this game well._

"_Guard my drink." Blair couldn't believe she would actually do this but it was just one night, and what would a little dancing change? One night with Chuck Bass would not change her life._

"You can call me x, You can call me y, You can call me z, You can come and try. Come and try. Hey! Stripper, Hey! Stripper Hey! Stripper, Hey! I wanna be your mister Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na."

"Now this is what I call a show."

Blair turned around at the distraction and saw Jack Bass standing in the doorway with a enthusiastic grin on his face. "Oh please, don't stop on my account, looked like it was just getting to the good part."

Blair scowled at him, even with the amount of alcohol in her body she was still able to continue her hatred for him. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, not sure if you know, but judging by your appearance you must know, but my nephew is dead. So I decided to return to the city, to pay my respects"

Blair rolled her eyes and stumbled around the room searching for the phone.

"How are you Blair?"

"How do you think I fucking am!" she almost roared, she found the phone and paused before she dialled front desk. "I can't believe you have the nerve to show up here! After all you have done to this family. You're and evil person Jack."

"He is-_was _my nephew, I have more right then most people around here." He snapped back.

"If you seriously believe that you must be sick in the head." Blair was close to tears again and just wished Jack would leave.

"I can see I am not wanted here, hopefully the 'van der Humphrey's' will have a better greeting for me."

"Don't count on it."

"See you around Blair."

Blair didn't reply but continued walking around the suite sipping on a new bottle of scotch, she didn't turn around until she heard the elevator close.

"_Home so soon?"_

"_Please tell me Jack was lying, you wouldn't betray me like that."_

"_Me betray you? You're the one who just came from seeing my uncle."_

Blair shook her head to force the memory out of her mind, she didn't mind the happy memories but she didn't want to hold on to this one, she couldn't. She wished Jack wasn't here, and hopped that he would leave the city soon. Chuck didn't trust him, she had no reason to either. That's when she caught her reflection, oh god I look awful, she thought. She had to fix herself up. She wanted to go out, drinking alone was never a good thing.

_Looks like Uncle Jack is back, I wonder how everyone feels about this, especially B, word has it he paid her a "special visit" before seeing anyone else, moving on already B? I doubt it very much. But you know what they say, once a Bass closes, another one opens. Welcome back Jack._

_xoxo Gossip Girl._

Blair rolled her eyes and continued putting on her earrings, Gossip Girl really had no clue these days as to when to shut up. Blair looked back at the mirror and was happy with the significant change. Her hair was nicely brushed and her face looked fresh and more alive then it had this morning, her green dressed complemented her perfectly and her Erickson Beamon necklace was on show.

She grabbed her phone and put it in her clutch along with a flask of scotch, sneaking a sip before dropping it in. Before she got to push the button to the elevator the doors slid open and Lily walked out.

Blair smiled at her, "hello Lily, good to see you."

Pity swept over Lily's eyes and then concern when she took in Blair's appearance, Blair flinched at the look but continued to smile.

"it's good to see you too sweetheart, how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," Blair laughed. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Lily reached out to take Blair's hand but she took her hand away before any contact could be made, she hated sympathy.

"Jack told me you were here, Serena was very worried."  
"She has no reason to be, as I said before, I'm fine." Blair insisted.

"Blair, it's ok to be sad, you're only hurting yourself more by keeping it in."

"Is there a reason why you're here? I'm going out tonight so can you make it quick." Blair wanted to get out of the suite, it was all over consuming.

Lily sighed, "I got a call from California this morning, they told me Chuck's body has been taken to the morgue for an autopsy, so it might take a few weeks to get the body back here for the funeral."

_The body. _Blair felt a spasm go through her. What had once been her future was now _the body_? She tried not to show her sudden anguish to Lily, she had to keep a strong front.

"Thanks for letting me know, but if you excuse me, I must be going." Blair smiled sweetly at Lily and pushed past her into the elevator.

"Blair, just out of curiosity, where are you going tonight? Out with Serena?"

"Celebratory drinks, i'm a free woman now, i'm sure Chuck would do the same thing if the rolls were reversed." Blair ignored the disapproval in Lily's eyes.

"You don't really believe that do you Blair?"

Blair just shrugged and let the elevator doors close on Lily, when they did the fake smile disappeared from her face and she brushed her finger through her hair, this would, no doubt, be an interesting night.


	3. Authors Note

**Authors Note: **Hey everyone, thanks so much for reading and leaving reviews you are what keeps me writing :) Ok so a lot of you have asked about Chuck and whether he is ok or if he is really dead. I'm not going to tell you guys anything about that matter except for just keep reading and you will find out. I'm not saying that he is alive so don't just think he is.

I really hope you are enjoying this story and that you keep reading :) next chapter should be up tonight or tomorrow :) HAPPY READING

xoxohayley


	4. CB

CB

"Well, well, well, looky-here boys, Miss Waldorf has decided to grace herself with her presence. This is the last place I thought i'd ever run into you, Blair."

"Keep it in your pants Baizen."

Blair knew she would find Carter here, he was just the guy she needed right now. He was sitting at a table in the dark corner of a stingy bar with a crowd of boys and some girls who Blair suspected to be hookers.

Carter laughed at Blair's reply and everyone joined in, she rolled her eyes. "Actually Carter, I came here to see you. Do you have a moment?"

Carter smiled at her with a cunning look in his eyes, "it would be my pleasure."

He got up from his friends and followed Blair to the other side of the Bar, Blair turned and looked at Carter, not sure where to start and had second thoughts.

"So Blair, what can I help you with?" He smiled at her again but then dropped his voice a little. "I'm sorry about Chuck, how are you holding up?"

"Don't act like you care. I'm fine, I just need some distractions that's all, so..."

"So...I'm your distraction am I?"

"Don't flatter yourself. You're not the distraction, your...'stuff' is." Blair looked away from Carter, afraid to see what ever reaction he had to what she had just said. She didn't want to see him all smug because Blair Waldorf had come to the 'dark side'. Carter didn't speak and Blair became impatient and turned back to look at him. She was shocked to see that he wasn't smug, he had a weird look, a look Blair didn't recognise on his face, she realised what it was though; pity, disapproval and disbelief all rolled into the one expression.

"What's wrong?" Blair questioned. "Do you have anything or not?"

"I do, but..." he hesitated.

"But what?"

"Blair, you don't know what this stuff can do to you. And I don't think Chuck would want you to resort to this. There's others ways to cope, just please don't get involved with drugs."

"Chuck's dead carter." Blair tried not to flinch. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him, and since when did you care about what he would want?"

"I know me and him weren't friends or anything, but I know how much he cared about you. And I personally don't want to witness the Blair Waldorf train wreck." He looked serious and Blair wanted to hurry up and get something in her, to take the pain and everything else away.

"Chuck and Serena took drugs, Nate still does, you do too, why can't I!" Blair almost screamed, he shushed her, scared that people might hear them but Blair continued. "I just want to let loose for one night, it's none of your business, your just the only person I know that is involved in this...'business'."

Carter breathed out a laugh and shook his head, "you can't even say the word, who says I even know what you're talking about?" he winked at her.

"you know very well what i'm talking about."

"i'm not to sure actually." He was being an ass, he knew very well what Blair wanted. "Be more specific and i'll see what I can do. Tell me what you want."

"Drugs Carter. I want drugs."

Carter smiled, "there we go, but Blair...i'm still not sure."

"Look if you're really worried about me then i'll stay with you and you can keep an eye on me...please Carter, I just want to get rid of the pain." She was almost in tears, the pain was getting too much for her and she couldn't believe that she had resorted to begging Carter for drugs.

"Fine. But just tonight, I'm not going to be part of your self destruction more than I have to be." Carter reached inside his pocket and pulled out a bag of little white tablets, marked with 'C.B' "How many do you want?"

"The whole packet, no questions." Blair glared at Carter.

He shook his head in disapproval and passed the bag to Blair. She took it and handed him an envelope of Money. "I think that should be enough, but if it's not just let me know and I will pay you more later."

"Pleasure doing business with you, welcome to the dark side." He picked up his drink from the bar and winked at Blair. "They were Chuck's favourite."

Blair just nodded at Carter as he walked away from Blair and back to his friends, now understanding where Chuck got his supply from, she didn't want to bring up the overdose though with Carter, not tonight anyway. Tonight she was going to let loose.

She followed Carter back to the table and squeezed in next to him and another man she did not recognise, when she sat down Carter but his arm around Blair, she didn't bother shaking it off because she knew he would simply just put it back where he liked it. She looked down at the little bag that was in her hand and contemplated flushing it down the toilet but the thought only lingered for a second then was overcome by a bigger thought.

"_Do you want to get kicked out?"_

"_Hello to you too, lover. Long time no see." _

"_Put that out."_

"_You didn't say the magic word." Chuck didn't look at her and there was no emotion in his voice, as though he wasn't really there._

"_What are you even doing here? You should be passed out or hooked up to an IV."_

"_I didn't want to miss the first day of school, though it looks like I already did." Still no hint of emotion._

"_That's the only reason you came here?Not because you had something to tell me?" She wanted him to tell her that he loved her, that he came back here to see her, but she wasn't a fool._

"_Like what?"  
"You know like what. Look at me!"_

_His eyes were bloodshot, as though he hadn't slept in days, when she looked into his eyes she was expecting to she her Chuck but he was no longer there but clouded by an imposter. She drew her hand away from his cheek and stood back. He drew in anther drag of hash and blew it out again._

"_Who are you?"_

"Blair you're supposed to take it, not stare at it, how do you expect it to make an effect if you just look at it?" Carter whispered in her ear, a shiver ran down her body. "Second thoughts?"

"No!" she replied a little to quickly. "I was...i was just thinking."

"Well then ,what are you waiting for?" He raised his eyebrows. "Pop it in!"

"How long does it last?"

"Those ones?" Carter thought for a second. "Roughly three to four hours, so really you just need one tonight."

"That's all I want," Blair insisted. "Well for tonight anyway."

"Don't do anything stupid Blair." He had his worried tone again, and it really didn't suit him. Blair needed him to be Carter so that she wouldn't over think what she was about to do.

"I'm already doing something stupid by coming here to see you." She pointed out. "Can you have one too? It will just make having one easier for me."

Carter reached into the bag and pulled out two pills and handed one to Blair, "Too an interesting night!" he toasted.

"To an interesting night," Blair mimicked. In sync they popped the pills in their mouths and Blair reached for Carters drink to help wash it down.

Blair didn't feel an immediate reaction when she felt the pill enter her body, she didn't know what to expect. The voices around her became louder though and she began to feel dizzy, she clutched at the table. Carter grabbed her then, around the waist and pulled her back to his side, "just sit with it for a second, you'll feel...normal again soon."

Blair looked up to him then his eyes were getting bigger and bigger which made him look evil, but this was the Carter she was use to. She distracted herself by watching the dancers on the dance floor, wanting to join in, she grabbed Carter's hand and led him to the dancers.

He laughed gleefully as he watched Blair dance, though he kept a protective eye on her, when he thought things were getting to intense with one of her many dance partners he would pull her away and simply say "she's with me." To Carter's, liking she never protested.

They had been dancing together for sometime when Carter saw Nate come into the Bar, "oh shit." he said under his breath.

"What is it?" Blair looked up to him giggling a little.

"Nate just walked in."

"So? I don't care."

"Ok then, your funeral."

Blair turned away from Carter then and walked over to where Nate was at the bar, but before she could get there Carter pulled her back, "If he finds out your high it won't take long to realise who you got it from. Please Blair, just stay away from him, I don't want to be in trouble with your lot again."

"Oh come off it Carter," she tapped his nose with her index finger. "It's Nate, he wouldn't be able to but two and two together in any situation. NATE!"

Nate looked up from where he was at the bar and spotted Blair, with Carter's arms wrapped firmly around her waste. He rolled his eyes and went over to wear Blair was trapped.

"Let go of her Baizen, she clearly doesn't want to be here with you."

Blair giggled. "I told you so," she whispered to Carter.

"Actually Archibald, she found me, and we're having the time of our lives. Thank you." He winked at Nate.

Nate grabbed Blair hands and said. "Come Blair, you shouldn't be here."

"No Nate. I'm having fun." She glared at him.

"What is wrong with you? What has this douche given you?" He stared at Carter with hate in his eyes.

"Just one tablet," Blair laughed. She looked down at her hand where Nate was still grabbing her. "Let go of me Nate."

"You heard the lady, let go of her." Carter laughed.

"No, you let go of her!" Nate punched Carter in the face causing him to fall to the ground, and grabbed Blair pulling her out of the bar.

"Are you crazy!" he yelled at her.

"No."

"What are you doing with that ass then?"

"Just having some fun. If that's ok with you, _dad._"

"Do you really think Chuck would want you to act like this?"

"Chuck..? Chuck who?"

Nate sighed and pulled Blair to his limo. "Come on, we're going home."

Blair acted quickly then, she kicked up her leg and kneed Nate in the crotch letting him fall in pain to the ground and ran back inside to the bar where she took Carter's hand and led him to the dance floor again.

The next thing she knew she was sitting in the back of a limo with Carter at her side. Her head buzzed as she turned to look at him, she couldn't remember what had happened in the last couple of hours, scared to know too. "Thanks for an interesting night." She whispered.

"You, know you really are an amazing dancer Blair," Carter replied with a smile on his face.

"_Your were amazing...out there."_

_She moved over from her spot to reach Chuck's side, meeting his lips and shared a sweet kiss with him. _

_He drew back from the kiss._

"You sure?"

Blair snapped her eyes open in shock to see Carter's lips moving but hearing Chuck's voice. He leaned into Blair and kissed her again, Blair pushed him off her, "Carter no!" She felt the car draw to stop and was ready to get out. "Come on Blair, what chuck doesn't know won't hurt him." He quoted her, he tried to kiss her again but Blair managed to push him off her and slapped him. She threw the door open and ran out of the door, hearing Carter yell behind her "SLUT!"


	5. Wake Up Call

Wake Up Call

"Blair!" Serena burst through the elevator doors before they fully opened and stormed into the suite, "Blair where are you! This has gone on way too long, you need to speak to us!"

She searched through the suite until she got to Chuck's room and didn't knock before yanking the double doors open, her mad rush ceased when she saw Blair laying on the bed, eyes shut, not moving a muscle, was she even breathing? Serena panicked and rushed to Blair's side, all around her were empty scotch bottles and Chuck's clothes were scattered messily throughout the room. Serena grabbed the glass of water off the bedside table and splashed it right onto Blair's face, hoping she would respond to it.

Blair sat up quickly then, gasping deeply at the cold water that had just been thrown at her, she looked up to find her attacker and saw Serena standing there, with a stupid smile on her face. "What the hell do you think you're doing!"

Serena's smile vanished, the happiness of Blair waking up was out of her system and she got her mind back to the real reason she was here, "What the hell am I doing? Blair what the hell are you doing?" It had been a week since Nate came to her in the middle of the night, worried and scared about their friend, he mentioned Carter was involved and that drugs may have been, Serena hadn't believed it for a second but she assured Nate she would speak to Blair the next day. But when Serena went to see Blair, she wasn't there and thats when she became worried, for days she had been trying to call her and when she finally got a response Blair had told her to leave her alone. But now enough was enough, she had had her time to act out but now she had to come back to reality, the funeral was scheduled to be in one week and things would run a lot smoothly when the worries about Blair were gone and dealt with.

"Blair you have been MIA for a week and-"

"A week? No I haven't...it was one night Serena." Blair cut Serena off.

"No, it hasn't. You have been god knows where for seven nights and me and Nate, not to mention your mom and Dorota have been worried sick. Blair, where have you been?" Serena emphasised each word so Blair could keep up with her.

She thought for a moment, one week? She had to be honest with herself, she had no idea where that week went, the last thing she remembered was hailing a cab and getting back to the suite where she pulled the bag of pills Carter had sold her out of pocket..._she stared at them for a minute, holding them out in front of her, above the toilet bowl, ready to flush them down. She didn't want to risk anything more happening to her again with Carter or anyone for that matter, but she couldn't do it, her hands wouldn't loosen for the little bag to escape her clutch. She stood there, eyes locked on the bag, her whole body shaking. She grabbed the bag and held them to her chest, breathing deeply in and out, she struggled with the sealed bag until it finally opened, she pulled a tablet out and popped it in her mouth, she thought to herself; just doing this at home won't hurt her._

Blair's head was aching, she tried and tried to remember what happened after that but she couldn't, it was all a fuzzy blur of people's faces she didn't recognise, bright lights and a continuous ringing noise in the back of her head, she rubbed her head and looked up at Serena, shrugging her shoulders guiltily. Serena shook her head in disapproval.

"What?" Blair said defensively. "It's not like you don't have any nights in your life that you don't remember. May I remind you of junior year when Georgie came back to town."

"But Blair, that was a different time, and you're not me. This isn't like you." Serena said in a soothing tone.

"I'm allowed to act out if I want to. I'm going through a rough stage Serena, my heart has broken into a million tiny pieces and the only person who can put them back together is gone. _Forever."_

"I understand that you are going through a rough time, and I respect your need to grieve, but Blair, lost nights? Carter Baizen? Please tell me you haven't lost your class."

"Carter?" Blair thought back to that night and what happened in the limo, she shuddered. "How do you know I was with Carter?"

"Nate." Serena replied. "He came to me in the middle of the night, after you had just kicked him to the ground. Why were you with Carter?"

"I was out, and I ran into him." Blair lied getting up from the bed, avoiding Serena's gaze and walked over to the dresser where her phone lay, she was unsurprised to see 56 missed calls on her phone and she started to scroll though the list. Getting bored when seeing all the missed calls were from Eleanor and Serena, but continued looking, hoping Serena would just leave her alone.

"Your were out? And you ran into Carter? First of all why were you out by yourself and secondly why were out in areas Carter would be?" Serena questioned her.

"Geez you sound like my mother." Blair mumbled, not looking up from her phone. "And mind your own business."

"You're hiding something from me. Blair, I'm your best friend, what ever you're going through I really want to be here for you. Just talk to me, and things will get a lot easier."

"I don't want to talk about _anything._" She kept scrolling, repeating each name in her head as she scrolled; _Serena, Serena, Serena, Mum, Mum, Mum, Serena, Mum, Mum, Serena, Serena, Mum, Nate, Serena, Mum, Cyrus, Dorota, Serena, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck..._The phone dropped out of Blair's hand when her mind woke up and saw the new name in front of her, the phone knocked her jacket off the dresser, sending it to the floor where it soon followed, the phone slamming hard against the floor, shooting pieces of it all around the room.

Blair and Serena just looked at the mess for a few seconds, not moving, nor talking. Blair was trying to wrap her head around what the missed calls from Chuck meant, she wished she saw the date on them, then things would make a lot more sense. She quickly moved from her place and went to collect the pieces of her phone, so she could have closure on this new encounter. But before she moved far enough Serena yelled at her "WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE!" pointing to the ground next to Blair's jacket, Blair followed her arm to where she was pointing and stepped back when she realised what Serena had spotted.

Sprawled along the bedroom floor, next to the fallen jacket, were tiny bags of assorted pills, Blair's first thought was, _where the hell did I get this much? _And then she saw Serena's expression, and she was beyond furious.

"You have got to be kidding me!" She screamed. "You didn't run into Carter did you! You knew very well where he was, and don't you dare try to deny it, because not even you can come up with a good excuse for this amount of drugs."

Blair remained silent, she didn't know what to say or how to make sense of this situation to Serena or even herself. Serena waited but got impatient and bent down, picking up every single bag that was on the floor and walked into the en-suite, Blair ran after her and stopped her just before she put the whole lot in the toilet, knocking them out of her hands, letting them spread across the floor.

"Don't!" she screamed.

Serena looked at her in disbelief. "Who are you?" she asked, worry clouding her eyes. "Drugs are bad, Blair, I should know."

"Yes, you should know. And you should know the affect they have on people, when I have them I feel nothing. Nothing." she emphasised the word. "It's easier to pretend like it didn't happen, I need them Serena, they are the only things that won't make me hurt."

Serena took Blair's hands and held them in her own "Look, I know what you're going through, when me and Dan broke up, it was hard and I didn't know what to do, but it gets easier."

Blair ripped her hands away from her "You delusional bitch!" she screamed. "Chuck's dead Serena. I can never ever talk to him again, I will never see him again, I will never have his warm embrace around me again, but you Serena, you can talk to Dan, you see Dan and you get to feel his touch all the time, so don't you dare compare your pathetic problems with my real ones."

She broke down then, tears pouring down her face when the reality crashed into her, Chuck was really gone, and he was never coming back. She didn't care what happened to her anymore and she definitely didn't care what people thought of her, especially not Serena.

Serena hugged Blair then, "I'm sorry, you're right, I shouldn't have said that." She rubbed her shoulder as Blair sobbed into her chest, "I think it's time you came home."

Blair nodded, because deep own she knew Serena was right. Serena led her out of the bathroom and out of Chuck's rooms, all thoughts of the phone and the pills forgotten as she hurried Blair out of Chuck's suite.


	6. Authors Note2

**AN: Hey guys, I'm really sorry for not updating lately, i've been heaps busy with school, but I promise you that I'm not going to stop writing this :) Next chapter will be up in a fort night or sooner :) So sorry for keeping you guys waiting.**

**xoxo**


	7. I miss you

Blair, Serena, Nate and all that attended Chuck's wake were now back at the van der Humphrey penthouse after the beautiful service at the same church they had said good bye to Bart in two years ago. As Blair stood by the window looking out to the city, she realised how much her future she had planned was going to be changed.

She ruled that city as though it was her own, but how was she supposed to take her place as Queen again when she had no King at her side anymore. Her hands were shaking, Chuck had always been a part of her, even before the word love had ever been bought up, he had been a part of her since the very first day she met him.

"_Blair, honey, don't go too close to the fountain, you don't want to ruin your pretty dress." Eleanor called out to Blair in a distracted tone as she headed back inside the Archibald country house. Dorota stayed on the porch, keeping a watchful eye on the four young children who were running around the enormous estate._

"_Dorota!" Blair called out from behind a tree, "Charles is trying to steal my headband."_

"_Mister Charles, play nicely or I will call your father out." Dorota threatened._

_Chuck drew his hands away from Blair's headband straight away at the mention of his father, he stuffed his hands into his pockets grumpily as he glared at Blair, "My name is _Chuck_, not Charles." He told her._

"_I'm sure that's not what your birth certificate says." Blair snapped back and she turned her back on the boy she had only met an hour ago. She watched Serena and Nate run around together with smiles spread wide across their faces, she scowled at them and turned back to Chuck._

"_Do you think she's pretty?" Blair asked gesturing back to her best friend._

_Chuck opened his mouth to say yes but when he saw the sad look in Blair's eyes, for some reason he didn't want to. "She's ok..." He said with a shrug of his shoulders, Blair rolled her eyes at him. _

"_In other words, 'yes.'" She said, looking away from him._

"_Well, true, she has some appealing features about her," Chuck said casually, "But you know what?"  
"what?" Blair mumbled._

"_I prefer brunettes." Chuck told her matter-of-factly, "And girls with brains." He added. _

_Blair looked up then to meet his gaze and a smile spread out across her lips, she giggled a little. _

"_I don't know what you see in Nathaniel," Chuck said, moving closer to her. _

_Blair edged away a little bit, "Excuse me?" She said defensively._

"_Oh come on, I'm not blind." Chuck said smirking, "You're practically in love with him, even though his head is probably filled with saw dust and he's busy chasing after barbie."_

"_He's your best friend." Blair replied, crossing her arms over her chest._

"_She's yours." _

"_What's your point?"  
"What's yours?" Chuck said as he creped closer to her._

_Blair rolled her eyes at him once again, "You're quite annoying, you know that?"  
"So i've been told." Chuck nodded carelessly. _

_Blair wasn't sure if she liked this boy or if she despised him. Somehow she could tell that he understood her, better then other people, better then Nate or Serena and she didn't know how that was possible, she had never been easy to read._

_She sighed out of her poised posture and leant against the tree, not caring if her white dress got bark all over it. _

_Chuck looked at Blair for a moment before he leant against the tree too, he smiled at her, "I have a feeling we're going to be great friends."_

_Blair looked at him for a moment as she decided what she would reply. _

"_Serena, Nate!" Dorota called from the Porch, "Chuck, Blair! Time to come inside."_

_Blair started running towards the house and stopped to look back at Chuck, "Me too." She replied with a grin before turning away from him._

"Hello, Beautiful."

Blair blinked out of her trance and turned to see someone standing right behind her. She had been successfully avoiding Carter Baizen all day but he had finally gotten the better of her. She looked at him in disgust as she remembered her last few minutes with him in his limo, she shuddered.

Blair cleared her throat, "Not today, Carter. I'm not in the mood." She said quietly, giving him a stern look that told him to quit while he was ahead.

Blair pushed past him and headed in the direction to Serena's room, only to turn left instead of right at the lat minute, straight into Chuck's old room.

It was strange being in there again, it felt..empty and like it was from another time in her life. She walked further in and sat on his old bed, a bed that she had too many memories about, memories that were not suitable to share at a funeral.

She looked around the room slowly, glad to see that it hadn't change much-if not at all- and when she got to the window, she saw him.

Obviously he wasn't really there, but it still shocked Blair a little that she had finally become crazy enough that she was having hallucinations of him. He turned to face her and gave her a small smile.

Blair looked back at Chuck with tears in her eyes, "Why did you leave me?"  
"I didn't."

"But you're not here."  
"I am."

"Are you going to give me a real answer?"  
"Probably not."

"I miss you, Chuck."  
"I miss you, Blair."

And with that he was gone, stored safely back into Blair's memory, she shuddered a little before getting up from the bed and making her way out back to the guests, she knew she had to face them sooner or later.

By the end of the day, there were six words that Blair was sick of hearing, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

It was around six in the evening when the last few guests left the van der Humphrey penthouse and Blair had sat on the couch the whole time after her time in Chuck's bedroom, not wanting to speak to anyone, especially not today. She tried hard not to grimace when Jack came to sit next to her, "How are you holding up?" he asked softly.

Blair couldn't help but roll her eyes at his fake concern, "Well, I'm alive." She said coldly standing up to get away from him, but he grabbed her hand to pull her back.

"I know something you don't." he said, a grin playing around his lips. Blair stared at him with hatred in her eyes, not wanting to fall into his trap she turned away from him, "It's about Chuck." He called after her and she stopped where she was and spun around to face him again.

She eyed him suspiciously, "What about him?" She asked, she suspected, knowing Jack, that it would have something to do with the will.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you aren't the least bit suspicious about this whole set up."

"What set up? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well.." He began, "For one, there's the fact that we have no actual proof that he's dead. Two, closed casket. And three, we found out via Gossip Girl. Doesn't that all seem fishy to you?"

Blair thought for a moment, she really wanted to believe what Jack was saying but she just couldn't, false hope was something she didn't need right now. "You're an ass," She said through her teeth. "How dare you come here, to Chuck's funeral and tell me you think his alive. You shouldn't be here anyway, you're not family and _never_ will be." She said, her voice getting louder with each word as tears started to form in her eyes. "Get out!" She yelled, causing the Humphrey's, van der Woodsen's and Archibald's to turn around and see what was going on.

Serena rushed to Blair's side, "hey, everything okay?" She asked Blair, rubbing her back soothingly.

"I was just pointing out some very obvious facts," Jack spoke up, "And I'm not leaving, this is where I'm staying while I'm in the city."

Serena and Blair scolded at him for a moment "Fine, I'll go." Blair concluded, pushing past Serena and Jack to get her coat. Today had already been hell enough, and she wasn't going to stay around just so Jack could play with her mind.

"Blair, you shouldn't go," Serena called after Blair as she followed her. "If anyone should go, it will be Jack."  
Blair looked at her best friend as the pity crept into her eyes, so that's what Blair Waldorf had become, was it? A hopeless case? "I...I can't be here, Serena." Blair told her in a whisper, "It's too much, everything here just reminds me of-" Blair closed her eyes tight as tear threatened to pour over again, would the crying ever stop? "Chuck." She finally choked out."

Serena hugged Blair tightly, "It's going to be okay." Serena whispered as she kissed Blair on the cheek, "I love you, B."

Blair nodded slowly, "Love you, S." she replied in a mumble as she left the penthouse before she could see the pity return to Serena's eyes.


	8. One Bass Is Better Than Two

"Please..Just let me call her again." He pleaded with desperation in his eyes as he looked up at the two older men in suits from where he sat at the table. "She needs to know what's happening...she could even help."

The younger of the men held Chuck's phone tightly in his hand, "We let you call her last week." He replied, his tone telling Chuck that there was no discussion to it.

He glared at them, "there was no answer." He said through his teeth.

The two men glanced at each other and the older of the two nodded.

"But boss said-"

"He's not here, give him the damn phone."

The younger man threw the phone at Chuck and he caught it with ease, he stared at it for a moment and then back at the men, "Whose your boss?" he asked with suspicion in his eyes.

They both eyed him for a moment, "Call your girlfriend." Was all they replied.

Chuck's jaw clenched at the lack of information being given, and he was beginning to doubt that these men were even from the witness protection agency like they claimed. He bit his tongue, he would discuss it with them after his call. He held down the one and placed the phone next to his ear

"Hey, this is Blair. If it's important, leave a message. If not, bother someone else." Beep.

Chuck sighed into the phone and hung up, and he began to worry. Blair hadn't answered her phone last week after he tried ten times and now her phone seemed to be turned off, what if there was something wrong with her? What if she needed him?

He chucked the phone onto the table angrily, "You guys have to start answering some questions, I deserve answers."

"You don't deserve anything from us, you're lucky you're not in prison." The older one answered, glaring at Chuck.

"I'm Chuck Bass," Chuck replied annoyed. "I don't go to to prison."

The younger man threw the paper at him, "Chuck Bass is dead." He told him, "It's too late for plan B."

"This is ridiculous."

"You should have thought about that before you killed that french man." He bent down to that his arms were on the table and he was in Chuck's face.

"He shot me, and mugged me, I had to get him back." Chuck said lamely. "Look I didn't ask for this and I don't need your help. Just let me go." Chuck practically begged, he felt as though he had been having the same conversation with these men for the past few weeks.

A phone buzzed in the room and the older man got the phone out of his pocket, he showed the message to the other man and they both walked out of the room, leaving Chuck there annoyed as ever.

He wasn't going to deny killing the man, because he did and he had felt terrible about it ever since, he had no idea what had come over him when he used the man's own gun against him and pushed the body into the ocean below. Chuck shuddered as he thought of that very dark time in his life.

But he was over this, being here with no company besides the two men, and having no idea what was happening, he hated not being in control.

He got his phone off the table that they had stupidly left behind and shoved it into his pocket, he was getting out of here.

Just as he was about to stand the news paper caught his eye.

_New York Farewells Another Bass, _the tittle read and below was a picture of a group of people standing outside a church, all wearing black. She wasn't hard to spot, even with her head down he knew that it was Blair. His heart ached, he was putting her through so much pain right now and it killed him that he didn't have any control over that.

The door opened and the two men came back in, as another taller man followed behind.

The younger man smiled at Chuck, "Boss wanted to see you." and he moved out of the way so that Chuck could get a full view of 'boss'.

He stood there with a stupid grin on his face, his dark short hair hadn't changed and Chuck was glad to see that he had gotten rid of his lame beard. His mouth opened as he spoke, "Hello, Nephew."

Chuck's eyes turned into slits as he glared at his uncle, he should have known he was behind this, "What are you doing Jack?"

Jack chuckled and gestured to the two men to leave as he sat opposite Chuck, "That's for me to know, and for you to find out." He said childishly.

"You're not going to get away with this." Chuck threatened.

"Oh, but..." Jack said looking at Chuck, the grin still yet to leave his face. "I already have."

"What's all this about?"

"I want Bass Industries." Jack said shrugging, "And there's no better way to do that then blackmail."

"Oh but there's two problems," Chuck said staring at Jack, "One, I left Bass Industries to Lily and Blair, and two, I'm not dead."  
"Yet." Jack replied, ignoring the other drawback.

"Then kill me." Chuck challenged, leaning toward Jack, "what's stopping you?"

"I'd rather watch you suffer as your world crashes down and you can do nothing to stop it." Jack grinned.

"You're a sick man." Chuck spat. "I bet you're enjoying this."

"Then you win the bet." Jack said, "My favourite part is watching Blair slowly deteriorate, and then playing with her mind. Did you know she turned to Carter? Yep, went out on a drug bender for a week."

Chuck wanted to kill Jack right then and there, but instead he settled for punching him straight in the jaw, sending him back against the wall. "You leave Blair alone." He ordered.

"What are you going to do about it?" Jack said, despite from where he was on the floor he still managed to smile, "Nothing, that's what."

Chuck stood there breathing heavily as he stared at his uncle with hatred, how could a man be so evil to do this to his nephew. "You need help." Chuck said through his teeth.

Jack got up off the floor and walked over to Chuck and stood over him, "Watch yourself, sonny. You're in my control now."

Chuck took his closeness as an advantage and kneed Jack right in his crotch, before punching him a second time. When Jack fell to the floor Chuck wasted no time in running towards the door and he pulled it open. He looked left and right and saw the two men over by a bar, looking away from him. Chuck didn't look back as he left the building, when he got outside he had no idea where he was, he needed to get home but first of all he needed to know where he was.

As clever as Jack's plan was, he had worked it lazily and Chuck chuckled to himself at how much of an amateur his uncle was.


	9. Authors Note3 sorry!

Hey guys, I'm heaps sorry for how long it is taking me to update, I had almost written a whole chapter when my hardrive decided not to work and now I can't get to it :( But don't worry, I've already started writing it again, it's just taking some time because I'm currently travelling the US. Should be up soonish, actually really soon, I'm almost finished :) Thanks for all the comments and reviews I hope that this story satisfy's you all :D A special shout out to "susan" thank you for you're dedication and I'm sorry I have kept you waiting so long! XOXO Hayley.

P.S if you ever want to ask me questions or you want to suggest things I should add into this story (or any of my other stories) then please go to my tumblr account (.com) and just go to my ask box :)


	10. Too Soon To Forget

"I'm worried about her, Nate." Serena whispered from where she was sitting in Blair's room as her and Nate watched their friend sleep silently. In all honesty if Blair were to wake up right now the situation would seem incredibly awkward, no one ever enjoyed being spied on, least of all Blair Waldorf. She liked to do the spying.

Nate sighed and moved from the side of Blair's bed to sit beside Serena, and he moved his arm to wrap around her shoulders, relief washed through him when she didn't push him away. "Me too." He finally replied as he tilted his head back to rest against the wall. They were both silent for a moment as they both let their thoughts wonder, and Nate was suddenly filled with grief. When he found out about Chuck, he didn't believe it, didn't want to, refused to even think it was true. But he couldn't deny it anymore, he felt defeated, he had lost a brother. And as for Serena, she definitely had a part of her missing. A part of her, of all of them, that could never be replaced, even if they would allow it.

"It will get easier..." Nate said, disturbing the silence that had became so comfortable. "Eventually." He added.

Serena sniffed and nodded in agreement, "Hopefully sooner rather then later." She replied.

There was movement in the bed and they both looked up to see Blair rolling over in her sleep, her mouth opening slightly as she mumbled, "Chuck." Serena shut her eyes sadly, that was the fourth time Blair had done that, she couldn't even begin to imagine how much her best friend must be hurting.

"I don't think she's ever going to get over it." Serena commented, looking sideways at Nate.

"I honestly don't think anyone will." He replied solemnly, meeting her gaze for a second before he looked down again.

"But the way she's been acting, her mood swings...it's not normal, is it?" Serena asked. "What if she does something dangerous?"

"Every one deals with loss in their own ways." Nate answered, in a soothing tone to try and banish those negative thoughts of Serena's "Are you really surprised that Blair went for the dramatic way?" he said lightly.

Serena laughed softly, "No, I guess I'm not."

Blair's eyes fluttered opened and she saw Nate and Serena sitting on her bedroom floor, Nate's arm swiftly over Serena's shoulder, and they were...smiling? At each other? Well at least someone's happy, Blair thought to herself, annoyed at the coupling embrace she had woken to. Why were they even here?

She made a low moan of annoyance and got out of her bed and stormed past them quickly into her bathroom, consciously making no eye contact with them. Couldn't they leave her alone for two minutes? She was fine...

Serena sighed and got out of Nate's hold as she stood up and stood before Blair's bathroom door, she looked at it for a moment before she knocked on it, "Blair?" She called, "Blair, you okay?"

"Go away." Blair replied in a sing-song voice as she examined her face in the mirror above the sink. "I have an action packed filled day of nothing, and I would prefer it if you weren't spying on me while I did that."

"Nate and I are going out for brunch," Serena said, ignoring Blair's childishness. "Would you like to come?"

No reply came from inside the bathroom and Serena glanced at Nate nervously. "Blair?" She pressed.

On the other side of the door stood Blair, looking absentmindedly at her calender, her bottom lip trembling as she did so. She thought she was fine, she really did. It had been five days since the funeral and she had done her very best to get on with life, she even went to college once. But now as her eyes lingered on todays date, she was overcome with a sense of dread, heart brokenness and worst of all guilt. She licked her lips nervously as she thought back to that day, how happy she had been, and how guilty she felt now that she had almost forgotten the day that Chuck-

"B?" Serena's voice interrupted her thoughts and Blair snapped out of her trance and cleared her throat. "B, if you don't answer me, I'm coming in."

Blair rolled her eyes a little, Serena never had respected the act of privacy so Blair shouldn't really be surprised that she wasn't starting to now. She straightened up her clothing quickly and got to the door before Serena could open it and stood out with a flawless, yet fake, smile plastered on her lips.

"Sorry about that." She said as strongly as she could menage, "I got lost day dreaming."

She pushed past Serena and went further into her bedroom to sit on the chair to her vanity and faced her two friends as they watched her with confused looks splashed across their faces.

Nate, who had finally gotten up from the floor was the first to speak.

"So how bout it?" he asked tentatively, "Want to come to brunch with us?" He knew it was a tough chance that she would agree, but he was really hoping that she would, the three of them needed each other more then ever.

Blair took in a deep breath and wondered idly if they knew what today's date was, or if they had even noticed her sudden change of mood, but when she looked at Serena's scepticism in her eyes she was sure she had noticed.

She looked away from her in an attempt to ignore Serena and smiled sweetly at Nate, "I would love to." She nodded in an effort to make it look as though she was excited for this outing, truthfully she wanted to climb back into bed, crawl under her blankets and cry, especially today.

Serena's eyes turned into slits as she examined Blair, she was too calm, and she was worried as to why that would be, had she missed something?

Nate, realising the hostility in the room, cleared his throat and said "That's great," he smiled, "Serena and I will just wait outside for you, don't be too long, I'm starving." He joked as he headed for the door and stared at Serena until she reluctantly moved to join him, she gave Blair one last look that told Blair she was far from safe of scrutinising and then closed the door behind her.

Blair sighed and moved to her wardrobe as she began to decide what she would be wearing that day.

Once outside Nate turned to Serena, "What was that about?" He whispered.

"What are you talking about?" Serena asked innocently as she looked at Nate with her puppy dog eyes.

Nate shook his head at her, "I thought you were going to kill her with your stare alone, would it hurt to be a little understanding towards her?" He said in a scrutinising tone, "What did she do to deserve that anyway?"

Serena looked down guiltily, true, she could have been a little more considerate towards Blair, but she just wished that Blair would be honest with her and tell her what's wrong instead of putting on an act that no one was buying, least of all Serena.

"Sorry." She mumbled, looking up but still not meeting his gaze, "I'm just really worried about her, and it's hard to be there for her when she's so distant, it's like watching her slowly self-destruct. And there's nothing I can do about it." Her voice cracked towards the end and her eyes shot up as she tried not to cry, Nate's arms then wrapped around her and pulled her into a hug to comfort her, it was clear that Serena was hurting just as much as he was.

"I just don't want to loose her too." Serena sobbed into Nate's chest as she let him cradle her.

He rubbed the small of her back as he listened to her cry quietly, unsure of what to say to make her feel better, "Blair may be going through a really hard stage right now," he said quietly. "But she's not suicidal."

Serena nodded, it was true, Blair would never try to kill herself, but Serena couldn't help wonder, what if her condition came back? She was about to mention that when the door sprung open and Blair stood there, looking as radiant as ever, but Serena could still manage to see the distance in her eyes.

_She's not suicidal. _Nate's voice echoed in Blair's head and she tried hard not to let the words get to her, how did that topic even come up? She shivered at the thought, of course the idea had risen in her once or twice but she never thought about it for more then a moment, it was a ludicrous solution, the easy way out really. She had to work extra hard now to put on a good show for everyone, they all needed to think that she was _fine. _

"S, you okay?" Blair asked when she noticed that her best friend had been crying.

Serena moved away from Nate and quickly wiped away the remaining tears and nodded, "Yes, just a little...sad." Serena said quietly and blushed a little at her lame explanation.

Blair eyed her for a second before brushing it away, whatever it was couldn't be more important then her own problems, Blair concluded, it could wait. Blair nodded in reply and then looked at Nate then back at Serena as a forced smile spread across her lips, "Let's go." She said and she started leading the way down her stairs.

"Look, can I just explain when I see you?" Chuck said into his phone in an annoyed tone as he tried to convince his pilot that he was truly Chuck Bass. Chuck couldn't blame the man though for thinking differently, everyone he knew thought of him to be dead, he wouldn't believe it either.

He was sitting inside an old pub sipping on a glass of scotch as he tried desperately to find a way home, so far the best idea he had had was to call his private jet over to get him, but it was harder then first thought.

When Chuck had finally found out where he was he was more annoyed then relieved. _Prague_.He should have guessed. And now he had to work out how to get home, to see Blair.

"Fine." The man said on the other side of the phone, "But if this isn't Chuck Bass, then there will be hell to pay."

"I appreciate your security," Chuck said dryly. "But when you see that I am who I say I am, you'll be sorry."

"We'll see about that." he replied, "Now, 'Mr Bass', Where is it that you would like me to get you from?"

Chuck cleared is throat, "You wouldn't happen to be close to Prague would you?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." He answered. "I just dropped your Uncle off not four hours ago."

Chuck made a noise of disgust and said into the phone quickly, "I'll see you soon then." Then hung up the phone. As he downed the rest of the drink he saw the date flash across the television screen above him. After a bit of calculation in his head, he realised if he left in the next couple of hours he would make it home in time to celebrate his and Blair's anniversary.

"Oh, look there's Dan!" Serena said excitedly when she spotted the dark haired man outside of their cafe.

"Yay," Blair replied with a obvious lack of enthusiasm in her voice and Nate smirked in response. "Just the man I need to see to top of a great week."

"B," Serena said in an annoyed tone, "He's been very helpful this week, be nice."

"I'm always nice."

Serena raised her eyebrows at her best friend, they both knew that that was far from true.

"I'm going to go say hey." She said and got up quickly from the table, leaving Blair and Nate uninterested.

They sat there together for a moment in complete silence and as Nate busied himself in eating his pastry Blair took the chance to observe him. There had been a sad aura about him all morning but his mood dropped even more when Dan had shown up, Blair sighed in annoyance, clearly that love triangle was far from over.

"You okay?" She asked, looking over at him for a moment before returning her attention back to her croissant.

"What?" Nate said looking over her in a distracted tone, "Oh, um, I will be."

Blair nodded, "I wish I could say that it will be okay, but you wouldn't believe me if I did, I wouldn't even believe me."

Nate smiled lightly at her and stretched his hand out across the table and grasp hers in his, "You don't need to comfort me." He replied quietly, "Just promise me that I have no reason to worry about you."

His request didn't completely catch her off guard, but it still made her feel uncomfortable, she nodded slowly in reply, "I'm fine." She lied.

Serena came back inside shortly after and, much to Blair and Nate's dismay, Dan came in after her and sat down next to Serena.

"Hey guys," he said and gave them an awkward wave.

Blair gave him a tight smile in reply and then resumed looking down at her hands and Nate mumbled "hey."

The rest of the morning was quiet and awkward and Blair had spent the majority of the time in complete silence and avoiding Serena's gaze, the downside to this was that Blair had been left alone with her thoughts, well, better then listening to Dan and Nate's subtle fight for Serena's attention Blair concluded.

It was around midday when Blair noticed the arrangement of peonies in the centre of their table and she stiffened when she realised that due to her friends distractions, she had forgotten what today was. _Again. _

Quickly, she grabbed her bag and stood up from the table and turned to leave, she didn't want them to see her cry, god knows she was sick of it herself.

"Blair, where are you going?" Serena asked surprised as she looked after Blair.

"I have to go...I just remembered I have to pick something up from Columbia." She lied.

"Oh, well I'll come with you." Serena suggested, already reaching out for her own bag.

Blair spun around, "No!" She demanded, "I mean, really, it would be quicker if I went myself." And before Serena had a chance to refute Blair had turned on her heel and was practically running out of the cafe.

"Okay then." Dan said as he turned to get Serena's attention, "What the hell was that all about?"

"I have no idea." Serena said, the confusion in her voice matching Dan's. "Hang on, what date is it?"

"12th of November." Nate piped in. "Why?"

_Oh._ Serena thought. "Well, that explains _a lot._" She said sighing, "It's their anniversary." She explained.

"Oh." The boys replied in sync.

**AN: I'm sorry if this was extremely boring, or too long, but I promise you the next two chapters will make up for it, prepare yourselves for some Chair :) Thanks to all of you that keep reviewing, it really keeps me motivated. Oh and if some of you are wondering, this particular chapter is set exactly one year after the saints and sinners party in season four, I really hope this doesn't confuse you, if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask :) Much love! xoxo Hayley.**


	11. Easy Way Out

Chuck Bass was nervous. He sat in his chair quite rigidly as his fingers tapped his knees in a weird rhythm. He had been so quick to jump on this plane that he had no plan ready for his arrival. What was he going to tell people? That his crazy uncle faked his death in order to gain Bass Industries, no, he couldn't risk that, Jack would just turn around and tell everyone Chuck's darkest secret, which would result in his arrest.

The only thing he had decided on was that the first person he needed to see and wanted to see was Blair, which meant he was going to make no contact what so ever with anyone else. The only thing left now was what to tell Blair, ultimately, the truth seemed the right way to go, for she would find it out sooner or later, but he decided that that conversation would have to wait until after they celebrated their reunion. He smiled a little to himself, he truly did miss her.

Blair sat on the couch in her sitting room quietly as she took in the aroma of the peony she had gotten on the way home from the cafe. It was dark outside now and Blair got up from her position and made her way upstairs.

Her hand traced along the banister as she thought things over in her head. After everything that happened today, from forgetting her anniversary to having her friends consider if she was suicidal, Blair had come up with a solution to all her problems. She knew it was dark, scary even to think about, but to her it was the only way she could move on, so to speak, even if it was _the easy way out._ She didn't want to wake up every morning and deal with that hole in her chest that was never going to be filled, and all she wanted was to be with Chuck again, and she was going to be. Tonight.

She stopped halfway up the stairs and quickly turned around and went down the hall to her mothers office.

"Going somewhere?" Blair asked when she spotted packed suitcases in the room.

"Paris," Eleanor replied. "I should be back next week though."

Blair nodded, "Well I just came by to say good night."

Eleanor looked up from her work to eye her daughter, "Everything okay?" She asked, Blair never usually came down to say goodnight.

"Yes," Blair answered and gave her mum a little smile before making her way over to her and giving her a hug. "I love you." Blair whispered.

Eleanor wrapped her arms back around Blair and stroked her hair, "I love you, too." She replied, knowing that even though Blair was being out of character that that reply was needed.

"If you see Daddy and Roman can you tell them I love them too?" Blair requested, hoping that this wouldn't lead up to a series of questions, but Eleanor had never been to observant so Blair gathered she would be safe.

"Of course." Eleanor replied as she pulled back from Blair, "I'll see you when I get back, I will be leaving shortly, you'll be okay while I'm gone?"  
Blair nodded, "I have Dorota."

"Good girl," Eleanor said as she moved back to her work, "Sleep well."

Blair let out a shaky sigh and turned towards the door and left quickly, calling out "Dorota!" As she did so.

She walked down the hall until she reached the kitchen, "Dorota?" She called again.

Dorota ran out of the pantry carrying supplies that seemed to be for Blair's breakfast the next morning. "Yes Miss Blair?" Dorota asked as she put down an assortment of pastry bases and fruits.

"I just wanted to say good night, and that when your done with your current job you can go home early tonight, go spend time with Vanya." Blair forced a sad smile.

As Blair expected Dorota stared at her in a suspicious way, gee, Blair thought, she wasn't that mean was she? She rolled her eyes a little.

"That's all." She sighed, "I'm going to have a bath and then sleep, so please don't disturb me and make sure I get no visitors tonight. I'm far to tired to deal with anyone."

"Yes Miss Blair." Dorota nodded. "I just finish breakfast preparation and then I leave you alone."

Blair nodded and turned away from Dorota as she headed for the stairs.

"Oh, and Dorota?" Blair said, spinning around to face her again. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too, Miss Blair." Dorota smiled sweetly, "Now sleep, you need rest."

Blair nodded once again and then left Dorota to finish her job, even though breakfast for her in the morning would be most unnecessary. She started climbing the stairs slowly, holding her pink peony to he nose as she finally let herself think of Chuck.

Peonies. He would get her peonies,Chuck decided. He was rushing through the airport, searching for a flower stand as quickly as he could for suddenly being in the same city as Blair had finally pushed him into a mood that made him more desperate to get to her. Would she be happy to see him? Or angry perhaps? Well whichever the outcome was he would just have to wait until he got there.

"Is that Chuck Bass!" He heard someone say to their friends.

"What? Of course not." One replied.

"Yes it is, see, right there." She pointed in his direction, "The one in the red bow tie."

Chuck didn't hear the rest of the conversation but he made a mental note to try and be a little more inconspicuous, the last thing he needed was Blair finding out about his arrival through Gossip Girl.

He decided to ditch the peony plan all together, he didn't want to waste much more time so instead he went straight outside to the pick up zone where Arthur and his limo were already waiting for him.

"No questions tonight." Chuck requested as Arthur opened the door for him and Arthur gave him a reluctant nod in reply.

As soon as they were settled, the car pulled out of the curb and drove off into the city lights.

The bathroom was candle lit and it was silent besides the noise of running water that was pouring into the tub, Blair stood to the side, the reflection of her back clear in her mirror. She was wearing a red silk slip that was covered in black lace around her bust, her brown hair was free of any headband or clips and hung smoothly down her back. In her right hand she cradled a small white bottle that contained several sleeping tablets, she wasn't sure what she was going to do would work, but it would be worth a try.

She moved from the centre of the room and locked both the adjoining doors from her and Serena's room, she meant what she said, she did not want to be disturbed.

She then made her way to the bathtub and turned off the taps and the room became completely silent, all that would be heard was Blair's shaky breathing. Without taking her slip off, Blair got into the tub gracefully and stretched her legs out comfortably as the water rose so that it was almost over flowing.

She opened the pill bottle and poured several of the tablets onto her hand, hoping that it would be enough to send her to sleep, send her to Chuck. Faintly she heard her elevator ding and figuring that it was Dorota leaving she started popping the tablets into her mouth.

Chuck stepped into Blair's foyer as he heard the footsteps of Dorota coming to meet him.

"No visitors!" She said before she realised who it was and when she did the shock was evident in her features. "Mister Chuck?" she asked, her voice covered in confusion

"Hello Dorota," He replied casually. "I need to see Blair. Is she home?"

Dorota opened and closed her mouth, she was literally to shocked to speak. Chuck waited patiently for an answer, debating whether or not that he should just race up stairs, finally though, Dorota began to speak.

"Yes, she is having a bath." She informed him, "She asked me to not allow any visitors, but I am most positive that you, Mister Chuck, definitely make and exception. She will be so happy to see you!" She smiled at him, "For weeks she has been so depressed, like I'm just waiting for her to give up one day, but no. She is a fighter!"

Chuck nodded his head uncomfortably, he didn't like hearing stories about Blair that involved her being depressed because of him, it practically broke his heart. But now he knew he needn't waist any more time, he started climbing the stairs, and to his annoyance, Dorota followed behind him excitedly.

Meanwhile upstairs, a young woman of twenty-one feel asleep, her head shifting slightly, allowing water to slip up and cover her airways. Yes. Blair thought, her plan was working.


	12. The Struggle

Chuck climbed the stairs two at at a time, eager to see Blair. Dorota followed behind him with a huge grin plastered on her face, having her so happy put Chuck a little more at ease, though he would have much prefer to see Blair by himself.

At last he was her door and in his longing to see her, he didn't bother knocking and instead pushed the door open and went inside. He looked around quickly but when he realised that Blair was most likely still having her bath he started towards the door to her en suite.

He was about to reach out and knock when Dorota stopped him, he was about to protest when she hushed him and knocked instead.

"Miss Blair?" She called, "Can I come in?"

They waited in silence for a reply and Chuck started to get a little nervous, Dorota knocked again, "Miss Blair?"

Chuck figured Dorota wanted to knock so that Blair would be more surprised when she would see Chuck walking in instead of Dorota, but enough was enough and Chuck was getting extremely impatient. He moved Dorota out of the way and took control, not worrying about knocking anymore he reached down tot he door knob and yanked at it only to come to a sudden halt. She had locked the door. He looked back at Dorota with a panicked expression and he knocked hard.

"Blair!"He called. "Blair, It's me...Blair!"

But still no answer came, what on earth was happening on the other side of that door? Now he was extremely worried, various conclusions entered his head that made him become even more unsettled, she had to be okay, she just had to be.

_Blair, Blair, Blair. _She heard her name being called, _he_ was calling out to her.

_I'm coming Chuck_, she replied in her mind. Her body sunk a little more into the depths of her bath, her head now completely under.

After a few more failed attempts of calling out to her as loud as he could, Chuck had decided to take action. His body was now colliding with Blair's door in an attempt to break it down, he knew that what ever was happening inside there wasn't something that could wait, he's heart was hurting and he had a terrible feeling about all of this.

Dorota was to his side making comments like "Be careful Mister Chuck" and "Don't hurt yourself." But Chuck blocked her out, his mind was set on Blair now, nothing else.

His body began to ache but he was nowhere near giving up, he clashed over and over again with the white door until finally it gave way and crashed to the bathroom floor. After regaining his balance Chuck ran to the bath.

"No, no no no, please, no." He almost cried when he saw Blair. Her body was under the surface of the water, her eyes close, mouth opened, his heart stopped for a moment, his mouth choking out scared tears.

Without a second thought Chuck plunged his hands into the water, not caring when his suit got soaked. His arm slipped under her neck as he placed his hand on her shoulder supportively while his left arm hooked around the back of her knees and he quickly lifted her out of the tub and placed her gently on the floor.

"Call an ambulance!" he shouted at Dorota, his voice desperate. She nodded at him and ran out of the room in a hurry to do what he said.

Chuck returned his attention to Blair and went quickly to retrieve a towel, he folded it a few times and placed it under her head, her head rolled a little and her eyes were still yet to open. He placed his ear on her chest to test if she was breathing but all he could fill was her eerie stillness. Chuck's head snapped back up and he wiped a line of perspiration from his brow as he thought desperately of what he could do.

That was when he realised that she was not naked, but instead wearing the very same slip she had worn the night that had gotten back together, his heart broke. "Oh Blair." he whispered, this was no accident. He stroked her wet hair, scared that whatever he tried to do to revive her would only end up in more of a disaster, he cursed himself for not paying enough attention in health class.

"Please, please wake up." He bent down and pressed his lips to hers, even though he new it wouldn't wake her up, he was no prince charming, but he needed to feel her, it had been too long. "Please."

He held her cold wet hand in his, her dainty fingers left numb in his, his vision became blurry and he tried to blink the haziness away when tears dropped from his eyes, he sniffed, "Blair, I love you. You need to wake up."

Dorota came back into the room then, rushing to be by Blair's side, "They almost here, Mister Chuck." He told him with a nod before looking down at Blair with sad eyes, Chuck watched as Dorota started helping Blair in the best ways she could until the ambulance arrived, she took another towel and began drying Blair softly.

Chuck stood up slowly and his red eyes searched the room as he tried to not look at Blair in that state, it pained him too much. He found himself back at the tub, the water in the bath now turning cold as a white bottle floated around, Chuck snatched it and inspected it. The bottle was small with not much print on it but Chuck knew what had been in there straight away, sleeping tablets. She had tried to OD as well as drown herself? Things were far worse then what Chuck had feared.

Two men in uniforms entered the bathroom with a stretcher and Chuck rushed to Blair's side once more, grasping her hand in his, he didn't intend on leaving her side again tonight.

Everything happened quickly then, one moment he was kneeling beside Blair in her dimly lit bathroom, the next he was sitting on an annoyingly uncomfortable hospital chair beside Blair as she slept silently. He kept his eyes focused on hers as he waited for them to open, to see those beautiful dark pools staring back at him in the same way they always did.

Chuck's heart ached as he sat there, trying to rap his mind around the fact that Blair had tried to kill herself because of...him. He shook his head, annoyed at himself, this was all his fault. The doctors had been helpful, as soon as they were safe inside the ambulance they started to revive her, Chuck had flinched away when they had resorted to mouth-to-mouth, Eventually water came pouring out of her mouth but her eyes were still shut and Chuck had yelled at the paramedics "Why isn't she waking up! Make her wake up!"

They simply replied, "We're taking her to the hospital, where she will get the proper help she needs."

He hadn't answered them but continued holding Blair's hand. Once at the hospital the doctors had confirmed Chuck's fears, she had over dosed, and only time would tell how that had effected her, he was thankful when they assured him that the odds were in their favour, that Blair would come out of this fine, but then they had continued to tell him to sought professional help, _"_The Ostroff centre." they had suggested.

He had pushed that out of his mind now, instead he concentrated on making sure that Blair would be fine, he could worry about those _arrangements_ later.

It was almost three in the morning now and Chuck hadn't slept for almost twenty-four hours and he had no plans of sleeping until Blair was awake, a yawn suppressed from his mouth and he settled his head on her bed, planing on just resting his eyes.

A beeping sound ran through her mind and Blair had trouble figuring out what it could be coming from, her eyes were still shut and she hoped that the plan had worked, that her pain had stopped, that's when she became aware of something warm holding her hand.

She slowly tried to open her eyes and eventually they opened, she had to blink a few times before they adjusted to darkness in the room. The first thing she saw was the source of the beeping, some kind of monitor that was connected to her through a needle, she shuddered. So then her master plan hadn't worked and now she had to live with that embarrassment as well as without Chuck, life was great. She rolled her eyes.

"Blair?" A hushed voice came from her side and a light squeeze of her hand sent heat through her body, she knew that voice, she knew that touch, but no...it couldn't be.

She turned to look him in the eyes and tears appeared straight away in her own, "Chuck?" His name escaped her lips before she could make sense of what was happening. This couldn't be real, she was dreaming or perhaps her plan had worked.

He stood up to get a better look at her and his hand reached out to stroke strands of hair away from her face, their pull stronger then ever.

A smile broke across his face, "I'm so glad your awake." He whispered, "You had me so worried, Blair."

She sat herself up, her hand still fused in his, and continued to stare at him, "This isn't real." She said quietly.

He looked back at her with sad eyes, he was expecting this. "It is Blair." He told her and then sighed. "I'm so sorry for all the pain I put you through, I tried to come back to you as soon as I could...it wasn't soon enough. This is all my fault."

Blair's other hand reached up to stroke his cheek, the feel of him as real as ever, horror splashed through her, he must of found her, but that still left so many unanswered questions.

"It's not your fault." She replied straight away, he could not feel guilty over her action, she wouldn't let him. She shook her head, "This makes no sense." She complained.

Chuck was silent for a moment, he knew he needed to tell her the truth, but it would be too much for her to handle right now, it could wait until a more appropriate time he assured himself.

"Blair all that you need to understand right now is that I'm okay, you're okay." He said nodding at her, "We're okay."

She looked up at him, dazed and confused, but nodded none the less. She trusted him, he was with her, of course everything was okay.

He leaned in further and pressed his lips to hers, her arms wrapped around his neck in response and bought him closer to her, she deepened the kiss, needing more. He pulled away too soon, she wasn't satisfied and a pout appeared on her mouth, he chuckled at her.

"You still need to rest." He said to her, "We have plenty of time for that later." He kissed the top of her head sweetly and went to sit back down on the chair.

"Don't even think about it," She said and Blair moved over in the bed, gesturing for him to join her. He smiled softly at her and got in next to her, her arms automatically wrapped around his waist as his wrapped back around her.

"You have a lot of explaining to do." Blair whispered as she sighed into his scent and she tried to resist the urge to close her eyes, she was extremely tired, but wanted to treasure this moment with Chuck.

"I know." Chuck replied hesitantly, "But it can wait until your better, I promise you, you have nothing to worry about."  
She nodded her head and whispered "I love you," before she drifted off to the most peaceful sleep she had had in long while.

"I love you, too." Chuck sighed a little in relief and finally closed his eyes, allowing himself to sleep with her safe in his arms.

**A/N: Okay so i'm not completely satisfied with the second part of this story, If you guys agree PLEASE let me know and I will rewrite it. But if you guys liked it please let me know and that will take a load off my shoulders :D Anyway, I know I don't normally do this but I would just like to let you all know that I LOVE reviews, and a huge thank you to those of you who always review, it really keeps me motivated :)**

**Shout out to lookatmesillyme/Jirah, You are the girl who keeps me most motivated :) So thank you so much!**

**Also, if you girls are interested I wrote this one shot called "Someone Like You." I would really appreciate it if you girls were to read it and let me know what you think :)**

**And finally, I would really really appreciate it if you had any requests, questions, suggestions or anything at all to ask me related to this fic, that you tell me because I really like to keep the readers happy and satisfied :)**

**So, until next time, xoxo hayley.**


	13. NJBC

Her breathing was loud, and her whole body shook as Serena tried to wait patiently for the nurse to let her see Blair. She had hardly believed Dorota's words when she had called her this morning and being here now, in this crowded hospital, it had all become so surreal. It was only yesterday when her and Nate had discussed Blair's stability, they had agreed; Blair was not suicidal and they had been wrong. Serena couldn't help but think that this was all her fault, she was supposed to be Blair's best friend, yet this had slipped right under her, she should have been paying more attention.

Finally the nurse emerged from Blair's room and Serena stood up to talk to her, "Can I see her now?" She asked stressfully.

"No, I'm sorry miss, but she's already got company. For the state she is in, we can't allow any more then that."

"Wait, what?" Serena questioned, _company?_ But Nate was on his way, Dorota was taking care of things at the penthouse and all Blair's parents were back in France, who else was there? "But, I'm the only one she knows here, there must be some kind of mistake."

"He said he was her boyfriend." The nurse told Serena.

"What?" Serena asked, even more confused now. "But her boyfriend..he past away, it's not possible. Can you please get whoever is in there to come out, so I can see for myself who this man is?"

The nurse considered Serena's request for a second before sighing quietly and then nodded once, disappearing back into the room she had came from.

Serena waited more impatiently this time as she wondered who on earth was with Blair, after a while she began pacing until the door finally opened to reveal a young man, dressed in a messy suit, with untamed hair and a nervous look on his face-a look Serena would have never associated with Chuck Bass.

Chuck swallowed once as soon as he saw the blonde look at him with wide eyes, "Hey, Sis." He said, his voice a little husky.

Serena's original reaction was shock, followed by confusion, relief and then lastly anger. "What the hell?" She questioned, walking closer to him, "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too," Chuck replied sarcastically.

"Oh shut up," Serena snapped. "Seriously Chuck, where have you been? I can't believe you have done this! Do know what you've put Blair through? She's sick."

"I didn't know things were that bad, If I known I would have gotten back quicker."

"A simple phone call would have sufficed!" Serena pointed out with a shake of her head, "What were you thinking?"  
"Serena, you have no idea what you are speaking about. Do you honestly think that I was away on purpose? I tried to call, Blair didn't answer."

"You didn't think to try me? Or Nate, or Mum?" Serena pressed, "Where have you been?"

"Chuck..?" Chuck's head snapped up and turned to face into the hospital room, Blair was awake and looking back at him with a questioning gaze. He turned back to face Serena, "Look, we can discuss this later, when Blair is better."

"Fine, but only because she is my priority." Serena agreed, pushing past Chuck and into the room.

"Mine too." He replied, following in after her and closing the door behind them.

"Hey, B" Serena said softly as she sat down next her best friend, "How you feeling, are you okay?"

Blair didn't meet Serena's gaze, she was more then embarrassed to say the least at this current situation, "I'm fine." She lied, "Relieved, really."

"That's what you said yesterday, and now look at you," Serena pushed. "I don't know what I would of done if-"

"I said I'm fine, now drop it." Blair said sternly, "I don't want to talk about it."

Serena sighed and then looked up at Chuck for some help, but he just shook his head, telling her to let it go.

"B, honestly now, how are you? And I don't mean about the...accident, I mean about Chuck being back." Serena whispered, she had now been there for two hours and Chuck had fallen asleep next to the bed, which Serena was thankful for because it finally gave her a chance to speak to Blair.

"Honestly, Serena, I couldn't be happier." Blair told her, a wide grin forming, "He's alive, and that's all that matters right now."

"Seriously? You're not the least bit worried as to where he's been?"

"Of course I am," Blair replied, thinking what an obvious question to ask, "He has so much explaining to do it's not even funny. But right now, I'm just going to enjoy having him back. He'll talk when he's ready."

"Blair, he'll just keeping putting it off, what if it's something serious? Something that can't wait?"

"Well then it will just have to wait, seriously Serena, lighten up, I just found out that Chuck isn't dead, let it sink in and the I will do all the questioning that is necessary."

Serena opened her mouth to say some more but was interrupted by the door opening, both girls looked up to see Nate enter, "Hey guys," He said, giving them a small smile, "How you doing Blair?"

Blair tried not to giggle and wondered idly to herself how long it would take Nate to realise that his best friend was in the room too, "I'm great, Nate." Blair said, smiling at him, she heard Serena let out a small laugh behind her.

Nate gave the two girls a weird look, wondering why they were acting so weird. "Alrighty then," he mumbled as he moved to sit on the last remaining chair, Blair watched him closely, she couldn't wait to see his expression when he saw Chuck. He's eyes shifted and he looked around slowly until his eyes widened in surprised and a huge smile started to spread. Blair smiled at Nate while Serena reached for a pillow and threw it at Chuck, causing him to wake.

Chuck's eyes blinked a couple times before they focused on the new addition to the room, "Hey, Nathaniel." He said, standing up to go over to him, and Nate met him halfway, giving him a brotherly hug.

"I knew it, I knew you were still alive." Nate told him, as he let go and stepped back.

"Hey why don't you guys get us some coffee?" Serena suggested, thinking that maybe Nate would be able to get some information out of Chuck.

"Yeah, we can do that." Nate replied and he turned to leave.

"Will you be okay?" Chuck asked Blair, a little reluctant to leave her just yet.

"I'll be fine Chuck, you're just getting some coffee." Blair replied, then remembered what happened the last time Chuck left, "Hurry back though." She added.

Chuck nodded once at her and gave her a soft smile before following Nate out the door.

As they walked down the hallway the space between them was silent as they both thought of things to say, "I must say, your greeting was a lot more welcoming then Serena's." Chuck said to break the quiet.

"Yeah? Well she has been a little worried about Blair recently, I'm sure she has her reasons." Nate offered, stopping when they reached the coffee machine.

"Yeah, I know." Chuck said, uncomfortable talking about Blair in that way, knowing it was his fault she was like she was.

"So where were you, anyway?" Nate asked, looking up at him.

Chuck sighed, "Look, I'm only going to tell you little bits, but don't push it." Chuck warned, "I don't want to upset Blair any more then she already is."

"Okay.." Nate replied, nodding in agreement.

"All you need to know, is that I'm in trouble, but I'm handling it." Chuck told him as he took two cups of coffee from him.

"What? What kind of trouble?" Nate asked, a little more worried.  
"Need to know." Chuck said, "Like I said, I'm handling it. I will explain it more when Blair is better, alright?"

Nate sighed, "Okay, but if you do need to get anything off your chest, I'm here alright?"

"Thanks, I'll be sure to remember that." Chuck said as they both headed back to Blair's room.

**AN: I'm so so so sorry for how long this has taken me to write, but after my trip to America I just got so busy with tests, I had five weeks of them this term! But don't worry, I'm on holidays now so hopefully the next update won't take as long. Also, I'm sorry if this update has been a little boring but I was desperate to give you guy _something, _I promise next chapter will be Chair galore :D I just wanted to get an insight on our four favourites in this chapter.**

**A HUGE shout out to Jirah, thank you so much for keeping me motivated, this chapter wouldn't have been up yet if it weren't for you, so thank you so much!**

**Loved it? Hated it? Let me know by reviewing (:  
Don't forget you can reach me on tumblr (bowtiesanpeonies) and twitter (hayleeymariiee)**

**XOXO Hayley.**


	14. Confrontation

Blair had been in the hospital for three days now and Chuck hadn't left her side, so when they finally got the okay from the doctors that she could leave, they were extremely relieved. Blair now sat silently in her room as she waited for Chuck to finish talking to the doctor, the last few days had been surprisingly awkward and quiet, as though they were both ignoring the fact that they really needed to talk, and it was killing her inside. She had convinced herself that it was her fault they weren't talking, but now she was re thinking, and that maybe Chuck was hiding something too, she'd find out though. She always found out.

The door opened and Chuck came into the room, his hair was a little messy and the bags under his eyes had gotten more dominate since the last time Blair looked at him, she stood up and grabbed her Louis Vuitton over night bag, making sure that she had everything.

"You ready, beautiful?" Chuck asked and he put his hand out for her take.

"Yes, can't wait to get out of here." Blair replied with a small smile and held Chuck's out stretched hand, together they walked out of the hospital and to his limo.

The ride home was just as quiet, it was weird for Blair, because they literally had nothing to talk about, every time she would bring up his disappearance he would change the topic of conversation to something ridiculous like the weather, and every time he would talk about her health she would either ignore him or bring up his disappearance again, it ended up getting too much for the both of them so they agreed that silence was golden.

The faces of the workers at The Empire when they saw Chuck waltz in were priceless, if Blair weren't in such a bad state she probably would have laughed at every single one of them as they walked through the lobby, but that wasn't the case, instead they quickly got to the elevator and relaxed once they were alone.

She wasn't sure what reminded her of it but suddenly she got a vision of what the suite looked like, remembering the last time she was here her and Serena left it with it looking like a bomb went off, Chuck would probably become even more worried when he saw it, it wouldn't take him long to work out exactly how troubled Blair was. Hopefully someone had already cleaned the mess but just in case Blair dropped her bag on the floor and wrapped her arms around Chuck's neck and bought his lips to hers urgently in an attempt to distract him.

Chuck kissed back with surprised enthusiasm as his arms circled around her waist, his tongue separated her mouth and their tongues met forcefully as Blair suppressed a moan of satisfaction.

"I've missed you so much." She gasped as his lips left hers to trail down her neck.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you." He said against her skin, "All of you." He added, looking up at her.

Blair smiled in spite of herself but it soon disappeared as the elevator doors began to open. She got out of Chuck's hold quickly and pushed the 'close door' button a few times before it began to close, hoping Chuck didn't manage to catch a glimpse of what was behind the doors.

"Blair..." he started as he approached her slowly. "What are you doing?"

"I thought maybe we could..you know, reunite in here, elevator sex is always worthwhile." She suggested, figuring she could distract him long enough and then convince him to go to lunch with her while she got someone to clean the suite.

Chuck smirked, "In this elevator?" He asked with raised eyebrows, "The elevator that has cameras installed, live streaming to the front desk?"

Blair pressed her lips together and shrugged, "Why not?" She asked, "Keeps things exciting."

"Perhaps, if it were an elevator in Maceys, but this is my hotel, I have a reputation to uphold here. We'll reunite on the balcony." He said and leaned to press the 'open door button'.

"Stop!" Blair stressed and smacked his hand away from the button, realising her mistake immediately, she had successfully made Chuck suspicious, she could tell just by looking at him.

"What are you trying to hide?" He asked in a low voice.

"Nothing." She mumbled looking away from him.

He sighed and gently moved Blair's hand away from the buttons and pressed the desired button, the doors slowly moved away and Chuck and Blair stepped into his suite.

It wasn't how Blair had remembered it being, in fact it was worse. While she was thinking the mess was in one or two rooms, it turned out the whole pent house was littered with empty scotch bottles, take out containers, clothes, and a pill here and there, and to her disgust white powder all over the coffee table along with rolled up twenty dollar bills.

She could feel his eyes on her but she refused to meet his gaze and chose to look at her feet instead, too ashamed to own up to this mess. They were still for a moment until Blair heard Chuck sigh and start to walk through the mess, she still didn't move.

If Chuck hadn't been gone he would have thought it was him who had binged, he never could imagine Blair being like this, so unlike her and it pained him to see the results of her breakdown. He finally found the phone under a pile of his shirts and dialled the front desk.

"Cleaning staff to the pent house, now." Was all he said before hanging up and making his way to his room. It was worse in there, it made Chuck sure that this was where Blair spent most the time. His scarf was hanging on his bed head and more scotch bottles were scattered amongst more of his clothes, this was going to take a while to clean up. He bit his lip as he bent down to retrieve the pieces of Blair's phone that had been left there and put it back together again. He took a quick glance of his en suite, already nervous what he would find in there. It was relativity clean, except for the pills all over the floor, it looked as though they had been thrown across the room, he closed his eyes as he calmed himself down before going out to see Blair again.

She was still standing in the same position, head down with a nervous look on her face. He walked over to her and handed her her phone, she took it and said a quick "Thank you," before finally looking up to meet his gaze. There was a mix of emotion in his eyes, anger, hurt, concern, and confusion she gulped and waited for him to start talking.

"Where did you get the drugs?" He asked simply, keeping his eyes on hers.

"I don't know." She said truthfully, after her night with Carter she had no idea where she got the other supply.

"So Carter had nothing to do with this then?" He asked, remembering what Jack had told him before he escaped.

"How did you.." She started but he looked down at her waiting for her answer. "I went to him the first night, but after that I don't know who I got the rest from, I didn't want to see him again after he-" She stopped herself and closed her mouth, not wanting to tell Chuck what had happened in Carter's limo.

"After he what?" Chuck questioned.

"Kissed me." She replied quietly and looked away again, "So I slapped him, and he called me a slut. I've kept a relatively good distance away from him since."

"Why, out of all the people who could help you, would you go to _Carter Baizen_?" He said his name as though it was poison to his mouth. "It's like you were asking for trouble."

"Maybe I was." Blair bit back and crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought you were dead Chuck, I'm sorry that I wanted to escape the pain. Gosh, why is it that every one else can go out and get off their face, but when I do it, it's the worst thing in the world. And why are you doing all the questioning? When exactly are you planning on telling me where you have been all this time?"

Chuck looked back at her with a small glare, "I'm just worried about you." He defended himself as the elevator doors opened and the cleaning staff entered the pent house, their eyes showing how shocked they were at the state of the suite. "We will talk about this later." He said to Blair before greeting the staff and apologising for the mess.

Blair sighed angrily before picking up her hand bag and heading to the elevator.

"Where are you going?" Chuck called after her.

"Home." Blair replied as she pushed the down button. "You can come talk to me when you're ready to tell the truth."

She climbed into the elevator and her and Chuck stared at each other as the doors closed between them, neither one showing a sign of surrender.

**AN: Soooo so so so sorry for how long it has taken me to update, seriously I'm such a lazy writer :/ but thank you all for your dedication at reading this story :) I love your feed back :D**

**So an suggestions? Comments? Thought? Let me know! The more reviews I get, the quicker I'll up date :)**

**XOXO**


	15. Truth's Out

The room is silent when Blair's eyes open slowly and adjust to see Chuck standing over her bed with a small vile in his hand, she watches him with a small smile as he lifts the vile to his mouth and drinks the substance in one quick motion. Blair opens her mouth to say something but no sound comes out, she watches in horror as she realises what Chuck was doing. Poison? Why? Why would he come to her to just break her heart? Her arm reaches up and touches his cheek, his eyes go wide when he sees that Blair is awake, a sound of pain escapes his lips and he collapses into Blair's arms. Her arms wrap around his limp body and his eyes close over, her tears start to pour, "Wake up." She pleads, "Chuck, wake up!"

"Wake up! Miss Blair, wake up!" Dorota commanded as she shook Blair, "It is nearly 11 o'clock, you've had enough beauty rest."

Blair sat up and gave Dorota a small glare, "They invented alarm clocks for a reason Dorota," she said as she tossed her sleeping mask to the side. "You don't need to wake me up when you feel it is best."

Dorota rolled her eyes, "Yes, Miss Blair," She replied and placed Blair's breakfast tray in front of her. "Have you heard from Mister Chuck yet?"

Blair sighed in frustration, "Only in my dreams, which are getting more and more ridiculous by the night, since when was I Claire Danes? I miss my Audrey dreams." She picked up a grape and popped it in her mouth, "I don't get him sometimes Dorota, he disappears for weeks and then he finally comes home and refuses to tell me where he's been. What could be so bad that he can't even tell me?"

"Have you tried talking to him?" Dorota wondered.

"No. I told him what the deal was, he can come see me when he's ready to tell the truth, I just didn't think it would take him a week." She said in an annoyed tone.

"Maybe he as stubborn as you are?" Dorota suggested with a small shrug.

Blair's eyes turned to small slits, "Thank you, Dorota, you can leave now." Blair replied as she got out of bed and headed to her en suite to freshen up.

She stared into the mirror at her reflection for a moment, she still had those god awful bags under her eyes and she was sure that the small lump under her lip was going to be a pimple. She sighed, Blair hadn't been this stressed since Chuck disappeared in Senior Year. Her bottom lip started to quiver as she moved and sat on the edge of the bath, why did he have to do this to her? Why couldn't he just _once_ do the right thing? She was so frustrated she wanted to scream. She stood up slowly and began to pace around her bathroom as she tried to think of something she could do to get through to Chuck.

Maybe she could go see him? No. Then she would just look weak, as usual. But she did miss him, and she did really want to see him. What if she ran in to him? Then she wouldn't seem so weak and it would be just as easily his fault as hers. She nodded to herself, her plan would have to do. She left the bathroom and quickly got ready before going down stairs.

"Dorota!" Blair called as she made her way to the elevator, "Call the car around, I'm going out."

"So how much time are we looking at?" Chuck asked his P.I hesitantly.

"It's hard to say Mr. Bass." Andrew replied with a sigh, "Worse case scenario-life. But you're a powerful man, you might be looking at say...ten years or so."

"Ten years!" Chuck asked in disbelief and bit his lip. "But what about my Empire? My father's legacy...Blair. I can't just abandon all of that for ten years."  
"Well then I suggest you don't tell anyone about your time in Prague. With a bit of luck it might not even become an issue."

Chuck shook his head, "Jack already knows. He's been waiting for something to use against me for sometime now, he's not going to back down now." He said bitterly.

"Well then I guess the only thing you can do is prepare. Come up with an alibi. Do _something _to make this mess easier to clean." Andrew replied, rising from Chuck's couch. "Believe it or not, but murder isn't taken lightly in society."

Chuck winced at the word and stood up too, "You're leaving?" He asked.

"Yes, I have to get going. You know, you're not my only client." He added with a laugh and put his hand out to shake Chuck's in good bye. "Don't forget, if you need anything, you know how to reach me."

Chuck shook his hand, "I know." He said in a dismissive tone and picked up his scotch from the coffee table and drank as he watched Andrew leave.

The past week had been hell for Chuck. He had been having meetings after meetings with board members, staff at the hotel and numerous members of the Police, every one wanted and needed to know where he had been and why he had them all believe that he was dead. Together with his lawyer and Andrew he had come up with a pretty solid story about his whereabouts. But obviously not a fool proof one, the truth always came out eventually, Chuck just needed time for a game plan. But all that right now was the least of his worries, he hadn't seen or spoken to Blair in a whole week and it was tearing him apart. He missed her more than ever, but he couldn't pull her into this mess, he just couldn't do that to her.

He sighed and went to sit down when his phone began do ring.

"Hello," he answered in a bored tone.

"Mr. Bass, it's Wendy from front desk, Arthur wanted me to let you know that Blair is outside, and she's been there for a while...we're not really sure what she's doing, but she just keeps walking up and down the perimeter of the hotel." She told him, "Did you want us to send her up or..?"

Chuck smirked into the receiver, Blair had certainly took her time, "No, no that's okay." Chuck answered, "I think she's waiting for me to run into her." He added and then hung up the phone and made his way to the elevator.

Blair had been walking along the streets of Chuck's hotel for about ninety minutes, and still no sign of Chuck. She figured if she wanted to see him she had to go up to his suite, but there was no way she was doing that today. Her feet were beginning to hurt so she made her way to the side of the building and leant on the wall. She checked her watch, it was almost two o'clock, surely he'd go out for lunch soon? Unless he had gotten room service. She sighed, this had obviously been a waisted effort, she decided just to go home, before she humiliated herself further.

She was about to leave when she saw a memorable face leaving The Empire, she gasped in surprise and quickly looked the other way as Andrew Tyler walked past her, she didn't need him telling Chuck that she had been outside The Empire all day. But why had he been there? Was Chuck seriously having that much of a dilemma that he needed his family P.I to get involved? There was only one way of finding out.

Blair looked back in the direction that Andrew was heading in and began to follow him when she heard a deep voice behind her.

"Blair?" Chuck asked, deciding he would just play along with whatever run-in fantasy she had concocted.

Blair turned around to see Chuck looking at her and she gave him a glare in reply, she had been taken off guard by Andrew to even bother pretending to be surprised to see Chuck. "Andrew Tyler, Chuck? You seriously need to tell me what's going on." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Chuck stared down at her for a moment and then exhaled loudly, "Fine." He replied, "But not here. Come up stairs."

Blair looked up at him curiously and then smiled with accomplishment as Chuck's hand moved to her lower back and directed her inside, he hadn't put up much of a fight, so she liked where this was going, she did always seem to get her way.

Chuck wanted to avoid a scene, that was the main reason he needed Blair inside, and of course they needed to talk, but Chuck still wasn't ready. He wondered how long he would be able to stall until he had to tell her.

Once in the suite Blair got comfortable on Chuck's couch as he went and got them drinks.

"The suite looks good." She commented, noticing that it had been completely cleaned since the last time she was here.

Chuck reappeared with their drinks and sat down next to her while raising his eye brows at her. "Hm." Was all he replied, he didn't really want to discuss anything that would lead them back to him.

"I've missed you." He told her and leant in to kiss her, "How have you been?"

"Restless." Blair admitted kissing him back, "I've missed you, too."

Chuck smirked and took her drink out of her hands and put it aside to continue kissing her until eventually he was on top of her on the couch with his lips at her neck.

Blair allowed herself to get lost in him for a moment before she snapped out of it, "Distracting me isn't going to get yourself out of this one, Bass." She said and pushed him lightly so he would get off her.

Chuck laughed, "I know, but it was worth a shot." He replied and then took a big sip from his scotch, "Because, you know it's been a while since we..." his hand rubbed her arm suggestively and she simply moved her arm away.

"And it will be even longer unless you start talking." She replied with an evil smile.

Chuck was quiet for a moment and Blair just waited for him to begin.

After a few minutes of silence Blair moved her hand to hold his, "Chuck, all I want to do is be there for you, so we can work through whatever you're going through together, but right now you're making it extremely difficult. Just tell me what's happened, I want to help."

"I..I can't, Blair." He replied softly, "Once I tell you, you're apart of it, and I could never do that to you."

"Okay, now you've got me really worried." Blair said, searching his eyes for some kind of explanation. "Please just tell me, I'm hear for you. I'm _always _here for you."

Chuck cleared his throat, "Well, you remember how I got shot in Prague?" He started, looking away from her almost immediately.

"Yes.." Blair replied, her heart skipped a beat as she remembered that summer and how he had gotten shot while holding onto her engagement ring.

"And then Serena had to go identify a body at the morgue, to see if it was me, but it wasn't-it was the man who had attacked me." He continued. "Well, someone found out who killed him."

"So...what's that got to do with you and your disappearance?" Blair asked, trying to make sense of all this.

"A lot." Chuck answered, not elaborating.

"Okay...so who was it? Who killed him?"

Chuck looked back up to meet her gaze and just waited for her to put the pieces together, he still couldn't admit what he had done out loud.

She gasped first and then looked at him with a worried expression, "Oh." Was all she could say.

**AN: And that would be my lame attempt at a cliff hanger...Love it? Hate it? Let me know xoxo**


	16. Let's Start A War

**AN: I'm so so so so so sorry for how long it has taken me to update.. over a year :/ truth is; I lost my log in details...and school was hectic. Plus a lot of other drama :/ hopefully it has been worth the wait, once again I'm sorry. Thanks for reading, and I hope you like it.. :)**

A solid 15 minutes had passed since Blair had put the pieces together and worked out the truth that Chuck would had never been able to tell her due to the fear of her involvement and what it was cost them. She was still on the couch, her slim legs still crossed, and her mouth slightly open with her brows pulled together as she tried to make sense of it all. The only movement that had been made was from Chuck, he was too impatient to just sit and wait for god knows how long for Blair to say something – anything. He's own face hinted a sign of stress as he worried about the outcome, what if her whole idea on him now changed? What if she couldn't stand him as much as he couldn't stand himself right now? He needed her, but he would never make her stay if she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. In all honesty, he wouldn't blame her for wanting to leave.

He stood in the kitchen, coffee mug in hand as he brewed what he hoped was the perfect cup of coffee, something to sooth Blair's thoughts, the silence was driving him crazy. Once it was ready he walked out into the living room, a little sigh of relief left him when he saw that Blair had finally moved. Her back was to him, stance cautious, from this angle Chuck could tell that her arms were crossed at her chest as she looked down to the streets of Manhattan below. Placing the mug on his coffee table he made his way over to her slowly, his arms wrapping around her waist – a reflex from the countless times he had done it before. This time was different. She didn't react, her body was stiff, she didn't push him away, it was more like she was pretending he wasn't there. Panic entered Chuck, Blair would come around – she had to..he couldn't do this without her.

His lips pressed against the side of her head, "Blair?" Still no response, the silent apartment was interrupted by the embarrassing loud beat of Chuck's panicked heart. "Say something...anything?" He let his arms fall from her waist, for the first time in his life Chuck had no idea how to fix this, what if she never spoke to him again? He clenched his mouth together as he looked at the back of Blair's head, this couldn't be how they ended. No way. He wouldn't allow it. In one last attempt to get her to talk he swallowed and in a barely audible whisper he stuttered; "P-please?"

Blair jerked her head to the side and looked at Chuck, he was in pain, this wasn't Chuck Bass, he was broken. This sight was enough to get to Blair, it didn't matter what Chuck had done, she'd be lying to herself if it had changed the way she thought about the man she loved. They were a team, if one did something, they both did something, and it was their job to fix it. That's the way it's always been. She had taken her time to think, try to make some sense of it all and now it was time to do what they were both known for. Scheme. Turning around to face him full on, Blair took a deep breath. "And what evidence does Jack have against you?" She questioned. "If it's not much, or we can make it look as though he's lying – or even better that he was the one who did the crime then we can just frame him and you'll have nothing to worry about."

Her eyes were shinning with excitement and Chuck had to hold himself back from laughing, he should have known she had been working on a scheme this whole time. "I don't know, but enough to get me arrested I'm guessing. When it comes to murder it doesn't matter who you are or how many buildings you own in the world, I'm not going to be let off easy. We need something full proof, Blair, or maybe bargain with Jack, obviously he wants something. Obviously Bass Industries, I just want this to be over so I can be with you properly." Chuck added, "I don't care what that will cost me, I'll make a deal he can't refuse."

"Don't be ridiculous." Blair replied, her eyes rolling. "We don't negotiate with terrorists, Chuck. We're going to take him down, for good. I'm sick of him getting involved in our lives. This is personal, and this is ending now."

He couldn't argue with the look of determination on Blair's face, it made him wonder why he even bothered to keep it from her in the first place. Of course...her safety. "Blair.." His voice was quiet, "I can't let you – I won't let you get involved with this. If Jack succeeds then it's not just me who will get the punishment, when he realises we're working together he won't hesitate to ruin you too."

"We're in this together, Chuck." Blair said, her hand reached up to rest on his cheek, "And together we're invincible." Closing the distance her lips found his and Blair kissed Chuck, a smile curving on her lips as she did so, Blair Waldorf loved a good war, and she knew this one wouldn't disappoint.

**AN: Sorry it's short, but I just really wanted to give you something, will update soon, I have a plan already :) xoxo**

**ps..hope you guys like Carter Baizen and Georgina Sparks ;).. 3**


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